Lou Reed

Lou Reed definitely broke new ground in the art of using the mouth of human beings as a toilet. 

Hippo Moms

I hear about Tiger Moms, and Dolphin Moms, but what about Hippo Moms?  The ones you see at WalMart. Usually they're surrounded by several dirty children, parasitically attached to the shopping cart, eating from already opened food containers. What about those Moms?

Getting Attention

If a policeman signals you to pull over, you should always wait until you're in a safe location to do so. But you also want to signal the policeman that you're aware of him. But with the distraction of the lights and siren, and all the other commotion on the road today, it's hard to know if your signal has been received. I have found that the easiest way to acknowledge the police presence behind you is by firing a gun out the window of your car. This never fails to attract the attention of the policeman behind you.